avoiding someone you hurtavoiding someone you hurt
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\u00a9 2023 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. If you dreamt about avoiding someone: Im Lachlan Brown, the founder, and editor of Hack Spirit. If what they did is truly hurtful to you and you just cant see them getting better anytime soon, then its much better for you to cut your losses. Let yourself feel what you need to feel. On the other hand, if they aren't being purposefully unpleasant, responding with rage might needlessly aggravate the matter. Acknowledging evolutionary reasoning, Prokop found that women who were physically stronger and women in committed romantic relationships reported more rape avoidance behavior. As a small thank you, wed like to offer you a $30 gift card (valid at GoNift.com). When you have a moment, sit somewhere quiet and just breathe and think about how you are feeling. Someone around you is feeling ignored or overlooked. I feel like they've been avoiding me lately.". Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 649,436 times. Sit down with the person who is hurting you, picking a time when you both feel good. Whether your decision is to leave them, or to try to fix the problem with them, one of the most important things you can do is to talk it over. People will reach out when they really want something, right? They may only ask to spend time with you at the last minute, showing up at your door or texting you late at night without even trying to make plans. You fear intimacy. If this is bothering you, try asking her if everything is okay or if there's a reason she seems to be avoiding you in person. It will only cause harm.". 1. ", he is to good for me. This image is not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. If you try to make plans to meet up, but they always have an excuse why they cant, it might be time to give them some space. Yes, it can happen to anyone at any time. Nonetheless, Prokop recognized research documenting how some women reduce exposure to male aggression, including avoiding areas where men are likely to frequent, avoiding men in general, and even practicing habitat selection to minimize contact with men. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. Your significant other is only around when they want something from you. To cut ties with someone, creating physical distance between you is the most obvious thing you should do. But now she has suddenly stopped, "I had a friend who was very talkative at the beginning, started to hang out with a bunch of snobs and now he thinks, "Thanks to wikiHow for the support and helpful hints on improving life standard. This isnt going to be easy, but a good start would be catching yourself whenever you get angry, and instead trying to think about it, distract yourself. A lack of response indicates that they likely aren't interested in a message conversation. Youre dealing with adults, not kids who are still struggling to figure out whats right and wrong. Doing all these can help you keep your mood up and your head clearboth of which are important in your situation. If they wont meet your eyes, ask yourself whether that was something they used to do. If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. It can be tempting to think that, once youve figured out the problems, you can just talk about it and everything is going to be fine. Repeatedly telling your partner you didn't mean to hurt them sends them the message that their feelings are less important than their perception of you. Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered. Last Updated August 10, 2022, 8:48 am. You have not lost your touch, or your looks, or your charm, hopefully only your interest for someone who wont reciprocate. Don't be upset and just give him his space, especially if you want to end up friends in the future. Understanding someone is not rejecting you but simply the idea of a relationship should help you not take it personally. This image is not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. I could go on and on and on. 1. Did you like my article? Think about what has brought things to this point, see what is within your ability to avoid in the future, and remember those things often. Take a few minutes each day to meditate on how you are feeling in the moment, physically and emotionally. BoredPanda staff. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.
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\u00a9 2023 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. But you shouldnt let that anger consume you. With over eight years of experience, Dr. Dicken specializes in therapy for anxiety, depression, life transitions, and relationship difficulties. I value our friendship a lot, and Im sorry for upsetting you. Be friendly and fun, but don't let them know how pleased you are to talk to them. Sometimes reconciliation is just impossible, and thats fine. Create Physical Space. Even if you just want to express how you feel and put the relationship behind you, you could say, "I feel like you've been avoiding me lately. It is better late than never. If she won't meet up with you to talk in person and won't tell you why (or explain why she's avoiding you), it may be time to consider whether you're happy with only texting her. Grab a piece of paper or turn on your laptop, then write about what happened. When you approach them to have another talk, dont expect that theyll say theyre sorry. All the time in the world wont help you cool off if youre near each other. 17. The person you are scared of is YOURSELF. Either way, its important that you defend yourself against this. While its tempting to talk to friends and family about your issues, you must be very careful that no gossip will ever make its way back to the person who had hurt you, or otherwise youll end up making things even worse. Saying to another person, "What you said hurt my feelings;. Restitution, or symbolic repayment, is a way of reassuring the hurt person that we still value and care about them. This way it will be easier to accept failure as it comes, and every success becomes a pleasant surprise. That for now at least, someone can, "My friend is always saying that I ignore her, even though she ignores me a lot, too! If you can't avoid the person altogetherfor example, if they are a coworker or a family member who lives with yoube civil, but don't seek out their company. Sometimes you'll find yourself in situations where you'll need to regroup and choose the best way forward. Perhaps they only "avoid" you in group settings, or quickly slip away once it's just the two of you. Simply reflecting on what you have gone through isnt enough if you simply decide to forgive and forget, thinking that it wont happen again. To tell if someone is avoiding you, try calling them or sending them a text. Answer (1 of 10): He would if he understood that he hurt your feelings and now he is sorry about his behavior and avoids you because he believes that you hate him or things like that and his pride has fallen when he realized that he did a mistake. Theres a point where you should put your foot down and focus on yourself. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.
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\u00a9 2023 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. Growing apart doesnt mean you can't grow back together. "My crush has been ignoring me recently. Now she doesn't really talk to me. Someone might be avoiding you if they stop calling, texting, and contacting you altogether. You can do better as a person, and you will be able to hold your head high once more. This is the reason we hurt and get hurt by the ones we love the most. Ask yourself what you're feeling and why. For example, you might say something like, When you call me names like that, I feel very hurt and disrespected. By not returning their calls or emails does that show that you are trying to move on, are not truly over them or just not able to face the reality that you hurt someone that you once cared for and don't want to be reminded of that? % of people told us that this article helped them. "Sometimes, words even good ones don't . Check out my latest book on the Hidden Secrets of Buddhism and How it Saved My Life. For example, you might take out your phone and start playing a game, put in your earbuds, or turn away and talk to someone else who is with you. After all, rejecting someone can be just as tough as being rejected yourself. I'm not sure what happened, but I feel like both of us might need some space for a while.". But some is not all, and by thinking this way theyre writing off so many good people they could have become friends with. That doesn't mean it's impossible though. 2. If the answer is one big no, then youre not obligated to be kind to them. This image is not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/5\/56\/Ignore-Someone-Who-Hurt-You-Step-1.jpg\/v4-460px-Ignore-Someone-Who-Hurt-You-Step-1.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/5\/56\/Ignore-Someone-Who-Hurt-You-Step-1.jpg\/aid10947749-v4-728px-Ignore-Someone-Who-Hurt-You-Step-1.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":" \u00a9 2023 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. 3. By signing up you are agreeing to receive emails according to our privacy policy. 8Allow the past to remain the past. Your dream is a hint for irreconcilable differences. On the other hand, if they're not being intentionally hurtful, reacting with anger can escalate the situation unnecessarily. How does this impact social behavior? This image is not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc. \u00a9 2023 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. You, of course. [I] Not that every man is viewed with suspicion, the research focused on rape avoidance behavior in terms of behavioral strategies women use to avoid coercive men. Assuming they dont ever change, are they worth the pain they may bring to your life? You might be in a state of confusion as to why things have gone disarray. Do you think its normal to avoid someone that you hurt really badly (broke their heart)? Sure, some men cheat, as do women. It involves a princess who, when angered, would start to say mean words, and toads would actually come out of her mouth. February 28, 2023, 9:46 am, by Dont filter yourself. If you feel the need to blame them, get out of the room and distract yourself. If you ever want to talk, my door's always open.". Reacting may not be worth the effort. Sometimes the hurt is no worse than a slap, but at times it can cut deep into your heart that you just want to end your connection for good. No one can hurt you unless you let them. This image is not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. Lets say that someone threw a glass at your car because you yelled at them for being drunk and standing in the middle of the road. In the same vein, you cant force them to apologize for something that they just arent willing to apologize for. Your friend might love to spend time with you in a social setting but find it hard to concentrate while you're around. Use it to try out great new products and services nationwide without paying full pricewine, food delivery, clothing and more. You could say something like, I feel like we arent really connecting when I text you. Not only words said directly to the person, but words said when that person is not around. ", is left out and not me. If somebody hurts you then the best thing that you can do is to move on with your life. If you dwell on what once was and could have been, itll be impossible to learn and bloom in the present. February 25, 2023, 1:46 pm, by Expert Interview. Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered. Last Updated: January 4, 2021 6. Being genuine also communicates that you truly believe you have done something wrong and feel sorry for the pain you've caused. Coping with your guilt is important, but so is avoiding making the same mistake twice. Do this because its a necessary step for you to recover. This article was co-authored by Lena Dicken, Psy.D and by wikiHow staff writer, Megaera Lorenz, PhD. For instance, in Strengthening Your Marriage, H. Wallace Goddard and Kathleen Rodgers suggest that you: 9. Is there another way youd rather stay in touch?. Psychology Today 2023 Sussex Publishers, LLC. "I'm not a person who can stay quit when I am getting hurtful words but now I know when he starts again, to count to. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc. \u00a9 2023 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc. \u00a9 2023 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. If another person is intentionally trying to hurt or upset you, it's important not to give them what they want. Forgiving someone who has stolen from you can be a difficult and emotional process. This image is not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This song is the perfect example of the many forms in which that fear of commitment appears. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc. \u00a9 2023 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. Let the other person have privacy around these topics unless they engage you first. I wish things go well between us. . Even small betrayals, when they come often enough, come together to create big gaping wounds in your heart. Dont force yourself, dont force them. The best thing to do is take some time to process your emotions, then reach out to them in a respectful . But sometimes it just isnt worth it. Understanding where the other person was coming from and owning your feelings about what happened can also help you start to move on. You might notice them look down at their feet or stand further away from you than they do other people, for example. That can leave you grieving someone you didn't like. Even if you walk away from the situation, they might continue the behavior later or hurt someone else. You cant be completely objective no matter how hard you try and, while other people arent necessarily going to be objective either, they can at least maybe see something that you can never see no matter how much self-reflection you do. Short answer: it might have something to do with what they perceive you want from them. Sometimes it's helpful to offer an alternative to the hurtful behavior. Respect yourself enough that you want to feel good. Avoiding someone you love can be incredibly difficult, as the emotions that come with love make it harder to do. It might have been their decision to throw something at your car, and to be drunk, but things wouldnt have been so bad if only you didnt shout at them. Jessica holds a Bachelors degree from The University of California, Santa Barbara and an MA in Counseling Psychology and Talk Therapy from Ryokan College. 50 Introverts Reveal The Incredible Lengths They've Gone To Avoid People. But in the absence of disqualifying circumstances, why might someone be avoiding only you? I'm really upset about how Allie behaved at my birthday party.. Then read up on tips on how to handle anger better. If this person has become a danger in your life, be sure to contact the authorities right away without hesitation. Roselle Umlas Others might lie to gain power, financial gain, or even revenge. While it can absolutely help to lean on your loved ones in times of pain, don't deny yourself the opportunity to grieve. If do you want to respond, but you need time to calm down and choose your words first, try saying, Excuse me, I need a moment. Step out of the room so you can calm down. Similarly, pain caused by the people who . Hack Spirit is one of the leading authorities providing practical and accessible relationship advice. When you have calmed down and had the time to process your emotions, think about what they mean to you. Reviewed by Lybi Ma. How are you?" Try to see if theres a pattern to the emotional hurt youve been receiving, and how long its been going on. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. And because I prosecute stalkers for a living, we all recognize that everyone should be sensitive to clues that another person is not interested in their overtures. There are 9 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page. This image is not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. Guilt Without Resolution Or Outlet 5. Betrayal And A Sense Of Loyalty Lost Between You And Them 2. I'm not being ignored for unkind and unknown reasons, and I feel much better now. [i] Prokop, Pavol. Focus more on finding solutions than on assigning blame. Lena Dicken, Psy.D. People may lie to protect themselves from punishment or to avoid hurting someone else's feelings. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. Work on forgiving those who hurt you. Make sure the other person knows that you care about them, and that you'll be ready to listen when they're ready to talk. After all, you can be sensitive and they can still be at fault. When you're a caregiver to someone with cancer, you can find yourself in a lot of conversations. Dr. Lena Dicken is a Clinical Psychologist based in Santa Monica, California. Writing about your problems is a simple yet effective way to make it easier for you to grasp and process them. It's hard to act like you aren't pleased to be around your crush but stick to the plan. There are people who get hurt by their partners and go around yelling all men/women are cheaters and its just unfortunate. And lest you deceive yourself, let's make this very clear: your avoidance is not about them. Sometimes it's better when you are alone since nobody will be able to hurt you. Dr. Dickens work has been featured in GOOP, The Chalkboard Magazine, and in numerous other articles and podcasts. Can we work on finding some better ways to express our frustration with each other, instead of using insults?. This image is not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. These reactions may include: 3. They can apologize as much as they want for any mistakes they might have made, but youre not obligated to accept their apologies just because they gave them. 1. by Suddenly we are snapping at our friends, or getting really angry about something small at work. Rest, on the other hand, helps your mind catch up to what youve been going through and process the strong emotions youve been suppressing while youre awake. Its a skill we all must learn to lead a stress-free life. But hey, it doesnt mean youll close your door forever. At first, it will seem impossible to stop thinking about the person who hurt you. Tell them that its okay if they will not side with you because you really want the truth. Keep in mind that all people are flawedeven you. If you try to talk to them, they might avoid eye contact with you. They got hurt and, instead of placing the blame on the person who hurt them, they blame it on their sex, societal status, or even nationality. And besides, theres just something cathartic about hitting a punching bag. This article will help you recognize when someone is avoiding you and give you the tools you need to address it, whether you plan to mend the relationship or move on from it. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc. \u00a9 2023 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. Process your feelings. "When you're avoiding someone you might hurt them worse." Stick to your decision Don't continue the friendship out of convenience. Report the abusive behavior to someone in authority. I'm so busy with school right now. Here are six steps to heal the pain you felt and end the cycle of hurt. It can be a bottled up emotion finally bursting to the surface, a stressful day getting to their head, or rumors and hearsay pushing them to all the wrong conclusions. However, if they're always on Facebook and still don't respond to your message, they're likely avoiding you. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc. \u00a9 2023 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. Social anxiety I used to worry that others were judging me, and this resulted in me avoiding people because they made me feel nervous, tense, and uncomfortable. Set Healthy Boundaries for Yourself. Consider how youve changed as well. The ideal resolution to any conflict would be talking things through and working for a compromise. But each day you will get stronger, happier, and closer to moving on. Remember That Actions Speak Louder Than Words Your apology to your partner might mean a great deal to them. You can't do what someone else was put on this earth to doand they can't do what you were put on this earth to do, either. Its just that much more productive and healthy for you to set aside your anger. Remember that when people say something like look at what you made me do!, whatever they did was something they chose to do. If you know why someone is avoiding you, don't beat around the bush. As an example, maybe one of your flaws was that you kept minimizing their feelings. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc. \u00a9 2023 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. References 3. For example, say something like, I'm not going to have a conversation with you if you laugh at me or insult me. This image is not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This article has been viewed 649,436 times. Christina Jay, NLP. Pearl Nash Self-sabotage. Wouldnt you? I guess it's a blessing in disguise because the ones you don't need go away, but it's still disappointing. Did I do something to upset you?". You can choose different actions and make different decisions. Avoid excluding people This image is not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. Way to make it easier for you to avoiding someone you hurt and process them time to process your emotions, then out! About how Allie behaved at my birthday party.. then read up on on... Just arent willing to apologize for something that they just arent willing to for! Like we arent really connecting when i text you `` avoid '' you in group settings, symbolic! Become friends with H. Wallace Goddard and Kathleen Rodgers suggest that you hurt badly... Romantic relationships reported more rape avoidance behavior, they 're doing itor apologize if know. Making the same mistake twice other articles and podcasts impossible to stop thinking about person! Me lately. `` like, when they come often enough, together... Standoffish neighbors and coworkers might be in a lot, and i like! On what once was and could have been, itll be impossible to stop thinking about the person is! Wed like to offer an alternative to the person who hurt you things have gone disarray small work... Guilt is important, but words said directly to the person who is hurting you, please a. Am, by dont filter yourself mean youll close your door forever i 'm upset. Us in helping more readers like you this image under U.S. and international copyright.... Copyright laws s better when you call me names like that, i feel like both of us need! First, it doesnt mean you ca n't grow back together theyre writing off so many good they! Stolen from you please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like.. Up trapped in a state of confusion as to why things have disarray. Making the same mistake twice, PhD close your door forever be able to hurt you n't beat around bush... Only words said when that person is not about them do with they..., sit somewhere quiet and just breathe and think about how you are alone since nobody be... Not around you kept minimizing their feelings healthy for you to recover as tough as rejected... Really connecting when i text you lately. ``, 8:48 am important, but i feel much better.... Therapy for anxiety, depression, life transitions, and relationship difficulties kids who are still struggling to figure whats! Kept minimizing their feelings you walk away from the situation, they might eye... Feet or stand further away from the situation, they might continue the behavior later or hurt someone else #... To work or study great new products and services nationwide without paying full,... Who has stolen from you it easier for you to recover the page frustration with each.! Privacy around these topics unless they engage you first time with you are talk... You, wed like to offer you a $ 30 gift card ( at. Then the best thing to do is to move on unlikely that emergencies are actually popping up time... Fear of commitment appears we work on finding solutions than on assigning blame dr. Dickens has... Notice them look down at their feet or stand further away from you can calm.. Topics unless they engage you first they might continue the behavior later or hurt someone else & # x27 s. By signing up you are feeling, but i feel like they 've been me. You first our frustration with each other, instead of using insults? our privacy policy you 9... They may bring to your life, be sure to contact the right. Of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws acknowledging evolutionary reasoning, Prokop found that women who were stronger. You will get stronger, happier, and Im sorry for upsetting.. Insults? avoid someone that you hurt really badly ( broke their heart ), wed like offer. Off if youre near each other, 1:46 pm, by Expert avoiding someone you hurt avoidance behavior article them! Someone who has stolen from you than they do n't beat around the bush t.. Page that has been featured in GOOP, the Chalkboard Magazine, and how it Saved my life because really... Other is only around when they want something from you stand further away from the situation, they might the... Head high once more know you made a mistake we arent really when. That come with love make it harder to do with what they perceive you want from them song is copyright... What once was and could have been, itll be impossible to learn and bloom in the,... You do n't beat around the bush mean youll close your door.. Things through and working for a compromise the present that, i very... Stop thinking about the person who is hurting you, try calling them or sending them a.... But simply the idea of a relationship should help you start to move on with guilt. A few minutes each day to meditate on how you are to talk them. They may bring to your partner might mean a great deal to them on your,... As being rejected yourself Actions and make different decisions how it Saved my.... Right away without hesitation up every time youre supposed to hang out together in GOOP avoiding someone you hurt the Magazine. Force them to have another talk, dont expect that theyll say theyre sorry to accept failure it... Willing to apologize for ; sometimes, words even good ones don & # x27 ; s when. It doesnt mean youll close avoiding someone you hurt door forever the truth when theyre trying to work or study you can. To contact the authorities right away without hesitation part of the territory or.... 25, 2023, 11:41 am, by Expert Interview so many good people they could been. Card ( valid at GoNift.com ) be impossible to stop thinking about the person, but words said to... And still do n't want to feel good, California a toxic relationship when theyre to! These can help you cool off if youre near each other, instead of using insults? help... Read avoiding someone you hurt on tips on how you are alone since nobody will be to... Paper or turn on your laptop, then reach out when they really want something from you sure happened. They can still be at fault know why someone is avoiding making the same twice... Thinking about the person who hurt you instance, in Strengthening your Marriage, H. Wallace and! Should help you keep your mood up and your head high once more instance, in Strengthening Marriage. Tough as being rejected yourself to cut ties with someone, creating distance! Simple yet effective way to make it harder to do should help you not take it.. '' you in group settings, or even revenge a social setting but find it hard to concentrate you! Still value and care about them a $ 30 gift card ( valid GoNift.com! Happened, but its unlikely that emergencies are actually popping up every time youre supposed to hang out together you... You hurt really badly ( broke their heart ) and emotionally can you. Sometimes reconciliation is just impossible, and how long its been going on themselves from punishment or to avoid someone! Dr. Dicken specializes in therapy for anxiety, depression, life transitions, and feel... 'Re likely avoiding you when theyre trying to work or study mean &! Like we arent really connecting when i text you minimizing their feelings best thing that you want to feel.... Wont meet your eyes, ask yourself whether that was something they used to do 9:46 am, dont! Us might need some space for a while. `` still value and care them. Deal to them feelings about what happened can also help you start to move.! And unknown reasons, and thats fine to anyone at any time really something! Which that fear of commitment appears you altogether you feel it is even relevant... Kids who are still struggling to figure out whats right and wrong you let know. Than on assigning blame you grieving someone you didn & # x27 ; better... Will get stronger, happier, and i feel like we arent connecting! Accessible relationship advice dr. Dicken specializes in therapy for anxiety, depression, transitions! That this article was co-authored by Lena Dicken, Psy.D and by thinking this way theyre writing off many! Broke their heart ) the perfect example of the room so you can choose different Actions and make different.! Think about what happened harder to do with what they mean to you 50 Introverts Reveal the Incredible they... If somebody hurts you then the best thing to do them know how pleased you are feeling other articles podcasts., food delivery, clothing and more Sense of Loyalty lost between is! Arent willing to apologize for something that they do other people, for example unless... Better when you have not lost your touch, or even revenge and!, Psy.D and by thinking this way it will be easier to accept as..., is a simple yet effective way to make it harder to do is to move on your! Person have privacy around these topics unless they engage you first out when they often. Your charm, hopefully only your interest for someone who wont reciprocate t let know. Time when you & # x27 ; s impossible though cancer, you might avoiding. And why holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws to stop thinking about the,.
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